Adolescent Outfit

She is baby greens

In this eating world

Juicy, in a red-peppered sauce

Or leggings, skirt, jeans

Down a bustling hall

The gym teacher drools

A feast in the making

He sees only the salad

Dressing

Her pace picks up

She tastes what girl-babies know

That scented, neck-prickle

Of being hungered for

Adjusting his blueberry-colored, athletic shorts

Her name rests on his raw lips

A sound like carrots screaming as they’re

Hauled from the ground.

"I can tell by your pants,"

The gym teacher whispers, “You want to be eaten.”

- by Juliet Bond

I wrote this poem for a Slutwalk Chicago event at an art gallery for survivors of sexual assault.  My own assault at nine-years-old is something I rarely write about.  But it was easy to channel for this poem. Still, it felt like too much to recite it in front of an audience. Instead, a nice, young actress at the event agreed to read it for me and I got to take a baby step out of my comfort zone, rather than a leap.

Of course, the poem is about the recent dress code controversy at my daughter's school.  This week, the school board met to implement a new policy.

There is no mention of pants or leggings in our new (district-wide) dress code.

According to the guidelines established by Evanston/Skokie District 65, student appearance, including dress and grooming, must not disrupt the educational process, interfere with maintaining a positive teaching/learning climate, or compromise standards for health, safety, and decency. In District 65, dress and grooming are important components of an overall positive learning environment. District 65

students and parents are expected to use good judgment in selecting attire for school. The district has established the following guidelines:

 Clothing or accessories that denote, suggest, display or reference alcohol, tobacco, or drugs or related paraphernalia or other illegal conduct or activities, including gang affiliation or activities is prohibited.

 Clothing and accessories that reasonably can be construed as being or including content that is racist, lewd, vulgar, or obscene, or that reasonably can be construed as containing fighting words, speech that incites others to imminent lawless action, defamatory speech, or threats to others.

 Outerwear should not be worn during the school day.

 Hats or head coverings are not permitted during the school day unless worn for religious or medical reasons.

 Shorts, skirts and dresses less than fingertip length (length of a straight arm extended on the leg) are prohibited.

 Bare midriff shirts are not allowed.

 Sleeveless shirts must encircle the arm.

 Revealing/transparent/sheer clothing is not permitted. Clothing must not reveal undergarments.

 Pants and shorts must be worn at the hip or above.

 Shoes that could jeopardize student safety are prohibited.

 Accessories that could be considered dangerous or weapons (ex. spiked necklace or bracelet) are prohibited.

Students will be asked to remove/replace clothing that is not in compliance with the dress code.

This is A Writing Blog...

This is a writing blog.  It's about writing.  Sometimes we post poems or excerpts from our own writing. Occasionally we write about various challenges as writers, you know - writing stuff.  But today, all I can think about is how topics or people's words can be manipulated or warped through writing.

As many of you know by now, my husband and I wrote a letter of concern a few weeks back, protesting the dress code at our daughter's middle school.  Since then, the letter and the resulting controversy have gone viral.

In most instances, "reporters" have grabbed their information from other sources, compiling a story in a rather haphazard manner.  Names are wrong, basic insights are lost, and snarky comments after each story show off the reader-underbelly in their rarest of forms.

A few sturdy, old-fashioned journalist types have actually bothered to interview kids, parents and administrators at the school (special thanks to Jenny Fisher at The Evanston Review who has been right on top of this story and has balanced her reporting by including commentary and discussion by many community members.)  I especially appreciated her referencing the parent at our meeting Tuesday night who bravely attempted to figure out what the heck our daughters can wear to school since her sixth grader has been coded for wearing everything from yoga pants to fingertip-length skirts worn over tights.  (So how many layers of clothing do our daughters need to wear in order to make adults comfortable with their budding sexuality?)

But most writers are just grabbing at what they can find on the internet, misquoting and misunderstanding the basic issues we are worried about.  This has all been an education for me as a writer and an interviewee.  How we choose words and attach meaning to them can be insightful, instructive or downright manipulative.  For instance, a bias in favor of dress codes seems apparent in this article while this one implies that the whole controversy was based on "unfounded rumors."  

And most of what we see on the internet now is, "commentary," which can be confused with actual journalism.  When Perez Hilton writes his opinions on the topic, we are all pretty clear as readers that this is one person's opinion.  And his inflammatory word choices are expertly utilized to excite the readers, FURIOUS!  INSANE!  But when Slate.com covers the topic, the "journalism" aspect of the piece is obfuscated and people are more likely to read it as fact-based content.

In the end, I'm learning to be careful about what I say, even in Facebook posts (yipes - "journalists" can snag quotes from my personal Facebook page?) while attempting to be consistent in my message that when we set guidelines of dress for girls that are different for boys, we send a basic message that girl’s bodies need to be covered up.  In the case of dress codes that require a second layer of clothing, the message is even clearer, We don’t want to see your bodies.  In fact, even the outline of your bodies is offensive.

For me, the bottom line is a basic "Puberty Shaming" of girls at a time when we know that their self-esteem is plummeting anyway.  I don't deny the sexualization of young girls is a serious problem.  The media highlights bizarre instances of girls as young as three slathered in make up and suggestively dancing in halter-tops.  

But I think that is a separate issue.  Dress codes like the ones we are objecting to encourage educators to do the sexualizing themselves - telling girls that the (frankly, rather dumpy) clothes that their mothers wear every day (yoga pants and sweatshirts) is somehow "too sexy" for school.

Okay online bloggers, personalities and journalists - have at it.

  

  

Motivation for Monday

My good friend, Juliet

I can think of no two better motivators than good friends and good news.

Let me first start with a very good friend, Juliet Bond. With her help, we created this blog. She has gently nudged me into bloghops and kept me on my toes to keep our blog current. When she suggest that we post our original poetry, I was so hesitant but now I'm glad that we do it.

She was the one who encouraged me to apply for a residency at Writer's in the Heartland thinking that it'd be a great experience for us to attend together, 10 days of writing away from home.

Then last week she received an email stating that she hadn't gotten in. I was worried that I was next for the chopping block. But instead received notification that I had been chosen. It was such a bittersweet celebration. This is my first acceptance to anything in a long time. But I'll have to go it alone.

Please know this, Juliet, that I am so thankful every day to have you for a friend!

Inspiration

The SCBWI newsletter had a great article this month about Ted Talks.   If you’ve never watched one, first, what planet are you on?  And second, tune in!  Ted Talks range from inspiring to informational and include some of the worlds most exciting thinkers.

Here are a few that should make your toes curl with pleasure and your mind explode with learnin':

1. This is really lovely.  Chimamanda Adichie explores her own connection to stories by celebrating the personal in every tale and the significance of diverse stories.

2.  This one is special because it's presented by a screenwriter eminently skilled at drawing the viewer/reader in.

3. The next one is by a young man who "wanted to be a writer" and now he is one.  It's called, To This Day, for the Bullied and the Beautiful.  It's tender, inspiring and funny (also, the link to the video wouldn't download so just click on the title to see it.)

4.  This is an older one that still totally works for me!  Brene Brown embraces being a storyteller.

5. Last, my favorite - the antidote to apathy, engagement and connection!

Do you have a favorite Ted Talk?  Is there one that inspired you in writing or in life in general?  

Do tell...

Fittingly, Kristen Dyrr nominated us for a "Very Inspiring Blogger Award" this week.  Hey, you are totally awesome, Kristen Dyrr!  Because we've now won Liebster five times (wow!), we have already posted a bunch of boring (but cleverly written) facts about ourselves.  Here are the first facts about us.  And here is the second list, if you are interested.  We won't overload you with more of that today.  But the rules on this one require us to nominate other inspiring bloggers and link back to them, so here are Juliet's real and true favorites.

Linda Sue Park is an incredible writer for children and she shares her wisdom on her blog.

Jane Yolen sends me a poem every day (really) and has a beautiful interactive blog.

My ver, ver favorite blog about YA stuff is Forever Young Adult where the book reviews are real and the bloggers always sound like your girlfriends after a few stiff ones.

I also found Kate's blog on the A-Z and LOVED her artwork, her writing and the connection we've made between our blog and hers (bloggers unite!)

Brainy Girls has to be my new favorite blog!  It's great fun and super empowering for girls.

My beautiful friend Barb Turk connects yoga and children's books at BookwormYoga.  At her site you will find good information with a dash of whimsy (also one of her dog's names...Whimsy.)

Cathy at Life on the Muskoka River is the funniest, largely undiscovered comedian out there.  For example, her latest post is about how her son wore his red morphsuit to school and told everyone he was Jesus.  Just read it.

I went to High School with The Indispensable Nobody, Holly Long.  Her blog musings are personal and probing and she's a darn fine musician too.

M'kay, that's all I can do on a Thursday morning.  Congrats, list of bloggers.  You are all incredibly inspiring!


Wait!  One more - Inger over at Desert Canyon Living writes beautiful posts and is a terrific support to fellow bloggers

It's Children's Book Week!

According to their website, 

Established in 1919, Children's Book Week is the longest-running national literacy initiative in the country. Every year, commemorative events are held nationwide at schools, libraries, bookstores, homes -- wherever young readers and books connect! 

Children's Book Week is administered by Every Child A Reader, a 501(c)(3) literacy organization dedicated to instilling a lifelong love of reading in children. The Children's Book Council, the national non-profit trade association for children's book publishers, is an anchor sponsor.

I'm celebrating this fabulous week by listing my top ten 

children's books.

1. Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon: This book is the first one that comes to mind when I think "favorite picture book."  It has everything a great story needs; a fabulous heroine, a big challenge to overcome, a kind and loving mentor and a great twist to provide a satisfying ending.  Moreover, it's a story about a seemingly powerless person triumphing over a bully.

2. The Recess Queen: This story is about bullying too but it's done in rhyme and includes a dash of madness in the illustrations and interactions between characters.  It invites a bit more joy into a topic often fraught with anything but fun.

3. Knuffle Bunny: Mo Willems used to be a stand up comic and, if you look at the mastery in punch lines throughout his work, it shows.  This book resonated with children and parents because it hit a perfect balance between the exhaustion of parenting and the longing children feel when separated from their favorite object of love.

4. This is Just to Say: I loved this one so much that I ended up adapting it for the stage!  What is beautiful about this book, aside from the lovely poetry, are the stories of apology and forgiveness.

5. How do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight: Everything by Jane Yolen is wonderful but this one is particularly good.  Pairing clever rhyme with gorgeous illustration, the reader takes a romp towards bedtime with a series of lovable, relatable dinosaur kids.

6. Sam's Sister: This is total self promotion but why shouldn't one of my favorite picture books be one that I wrote?  The book is about the pain and beauty of open adoption.

7. The Wednesday Surprise: This book is such a lovely gift in children's stories.  It shows a powerful bond between child and adult and gives the reader the ultimate, satisfying ending.

8. When Mama Comes Home Tonight: When my first child was born, I had to go back to work full time and the separation was hard on both of us.  This book was a comfort during a difficult life transition.  It still brings tears to my eyes!

9. Seven Silly Eaters: Another rhyming book, this one joyfully celebrates a mother who tries to cater to every one of her children's picky preferences for eating. 

10. Sheep in a Jeep: Huh, I really like rhyming books... You always hear that editors hate them but they are such a pleasure to read aloud to kids!  This one is a quick and funny bedtime romp.

What are your favorite children's books?