It’s in our interest to take
care of others. Self-centredness is opposed to basic human nature. In our own
interest as human beings we need to pay attention to our inner values.
Sometimes people think compassion is only of help to others, while we get no
benefit. This is a mistake. When you concern yourself with others, you
naturally develop a sense of self-confidence. To help others takes courage and
inner strength.
– Dalai Lama
Last
month, I wrote about how good it felt to fully concentrate on the keeping and
care of three needy kids (three additional kids.) There was no real obligation to do this. It was just something I wanted to say yes
to. And it felt really good. It felt really good to me.
In
2009, four scholars published a paper called, “Feeling Good about Giving: The Benefits (and Costs) of Self-Interested
Charitable Behavior. Their proposed
theory was that people give when they feel good, which then perpetuates more
giving and more warm fuzzy responses.
And they pondered the question of whether promoting giving, or appeals to charity
may be associated with feelings of guilt that actually make the potential giver
less likely to share. Confused?
Me
too.
No
wonder happiness is such a struggle.
We
should give to feel happy, which will make us happier but if we are pressured
to give, we will feel sad, so don’t ask us to give. My friend Leslie runs a fantastic theater
program in Evanston and one of her main tasks is to find donors. So she has to find people who care about the
arts, who have something to give and who will donate their monies or services
to her program. That's complicated.
We were talking
about her work the other day on our morning walk and she mentioned a tool her
theater uses to determine whether or not potential donors are “givers.” Simply put, they track former giving
behaviors to determine future giving. This
assumes that people are either givers or they aren’t.
This
made me think about the people I know. Are my friends givers? Are my family members generous? Suddenly, I was kind of disgusted by some of the people I know and love because I've never seen them share their time or money with anyone else. Then I wondered about my own judgment of people who don’t share. Um, because I totally judge them.
Still, I
don’t think it’s enough to be a nice person and take care of your own. You also have to help others. In fact, like Marian Wright Edelman said,
“Service is the rent we pay for being.
It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare
time.” But most people don’t even do it
in their spare time. They don’t share their money, time, or their skills to help others.
That
really pisses me off.
Maybe
that’s unfair. Maybe we have to accept
people and try to understand them for who they are, accept them. Maybe doing no harm is sufficient. Maybe that last sentence sticks in my throat.
When a
famous republican politician came out in favor of gay marriage last year, and
everyone was lauding the guy’s progress, one of my favorite authors’ Chris Crutcher
wrote, “That’s not enough. I’m looking
for heroes.”
Me
too.
